Final journey

Thanks to the modern technology.
I get to attend my granny's funeral and walk her final journey.
I am so sorry I cried so hard throughout the process.
I won't say I missed her the most, because I knew my aunt, dad, mom and sis missed her as much as I do.
She was a lovely lady, she always smile and very polite to others.
She was a food lover until she got diagnosed diabetes.
Yet it doesn't stop her wish on food craving.. That's brought her closer to the kidney failure few years back..
She has tubes fixed for dialysis ..
From time to time, she became lazy and reluctant to walk..
Because of that her leg muscle is not strong causing her to suffer pain when she was walking..
These days I cried hard because of one question..
What was she doing when she was alone at home everyday?
Her daughter, son and daughter in law were working, her grandchildren were out of state studying / working..
How did she came through these years where no one is around her when she has all these sickness.. She has to inject insulin by herself, check her blood glucose by herself etc...
My heart was so pain whenever I think of this.. I am so sorry.. I didn't play my role to accompany her with most of my time.. I only visited her when I went back home every few months..
Yet she was grateful when I brought her out for food and travel..
Every now and then, when I recalled she keep saying thank you through our last few calls, my tears just dropped off by itself.. "Don't say thank you for what I did, I should have did those everyday.."

This time makes me think of do I really need to stay away from home?
I should do my best before same regret happens? 
Should I give up what I wished for to not letting my family down?

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